Soul Feud


Slowly I awaken in a bubble of peace while listening to the familiar comforting hum of my convection oven dehydrating berries.  Earlier this morning, I made spelt crackers which I will have with sardines and avocados for lunch.  I feel good.

Unfortunately, moments like this have become a luxury.  Instead, I have found myself running around like a lunatic, shoving any and everything in my mouth to keep going so I can meet everyone else’s obligations while ignoring the frantic cries of my own soul.  The result has been weight gain with vitality loss.

Therefore, I have decided to take some time and give myself a home healing retreat.  At first, it was a struggle.  I felt like an addict going through detox, and really that’s what it was.  After the first two days of cleansing with my body rebelling in pain, breakouts and emotional swings, I was able to still my mind and lost memories resurfaced:  ‘Yes! I used to prepare healing recipes from scratch, take time to read–usually in warm, fragrant herbal baths…when was the last time I made a healing salve or infused oil?’

I am now all too aware that to hold on to the things that feed your soul take a staunch committment and a dogged determination to avoid the readily available temptations that lurk at every turn.  Every party, social gathering, date, or business meeting is fraught with things that slowly destroy our bodies.  And who is the advanced soul that can take ‘just one’?  So I have found myself trying to negotiate the minefields of delicious distraction, until I can make it home where I am by then way too tired from the fight to think about what’s best for me.

I therefore need to reconstruct my life in such a way to make sure I am taken care of FIRST and not see it as selfish, for everything that comes from me can only be as good as what is within me.  So with gratitude, I mark today as another victory in this ongoing ‘soul feud’.